Building a connection with your baby after a traumatic birth
Recent research (see Frankham et al., 2023) shows that some mums may encounter challenges in establishing a connection with their baby after a traumatic birth experience. Several factors can contribute to this, such as separation from your baby, associations between your baby and the traumatic event, emotional numbing or overwhelming feelings, or compromised physical health. Additionally, during traumatic events, the body releases higher levels of adrenaline and cortisol, which can interfere with the production of oxytocin and prolactin, further impeding bonding.
There are many things you can do to help facilitate bonding and establish a connection with your baby. Here are some suggestions:
Practice skin-to-skin contact: This is when you hold your baby against your bare chest. It has been shown to promote bonding and can also help regulate baby's breathing, temperature, and heart rate. Taking bath together is a lovely way to have skin-to-skin time.
Talk, sing, and read to your baby: Even if your baby is too young to understand the words, hearing your voice can be comforting and help establish a connection
Baby wearing: Babywearing promotes physical closeness and skin-to-skin contact, which can release feel-good hormones like oxytocin and reduce stress. It also allows you to respond to your baby's needs more quickly, fostering a sense of security and trust.
Baby massage: Place your baby on a soft surface and using gentle, rhythmic strokes massage their skin with a natural oil. Use soft pressure and pay attention to your baby's cues and reactions. Some areas offer courses on baby massage.
Mindful parenting: Choose some activities to do mindfully with your baby, such as feeding, bath time or a story. Be present and engaged during the interaction, focus on the moment. Observe your baby's cues and respond to their needs in a calm and empathetic manner. Notice their facial expressions, how they smell, sounds they make and so on.
Spend time with your baby: It may be tempting to avoid spending time with your baby if you are feeling overwhelmed or anxious, but spending time holding, cuddling, and interacting with your baby can help you feel more connected.
Take care of yourself: It's important to take care of yourself physically and emotionally so that you can be present and engaged with your baby. This may include getting enough sleep, eating well, and engaging in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. If you can, enlist the help of your partner or others so you have time to do this.
Seek support: Talk to trusted friends or family. Consider talking to a health professional who can help you work through any emotions or feelings related to the traumatic birth.
Remember that bonding with your baby is a process that takes time and may not happen immediately.
Be patient with yourself and your baby, and know that with time and effort, you can establish a strong connection.
