Supporting your partner after a traumatic birth
If your partner has experienced a traumatic birth, there are many things you can do to support them during this challenging time. Here are some suggestions:
Listen and validate their feelings: Make time to talk about it. Encourage your partner to talk about their feelings and experiences related to the birth and listen attentively without judgment or interruption. Avoid: Offering solutions, saying at least they are okay now, suggesting it wasn’t that bad or they should be over it by now.
Provide practical support: Help out with household tasks, cooking, and caring for the baby to alleviate some of the stress and workload. If you are heading off to work, organise their water and food for the day.
Be patient and understanding: Recognize that recovery from a traumatic birth can take time both physically and emotionally. Birth trauma sometimes becomes more distressing and noticeable over the weeks and months. Be patient with your partner as they navigate their emotions and healing process.
Offer emotional support: Let your partner know that you are there for them and provide comfort and reassurance when they need it.
Facilitate self-care: Spend time taking care of baby and domestic chores so your partner can prioritize self-care activities like rest, exercise, and connecting with friends and family to promote physical and emotional healing.
Sex and intimacy: Sex and intimacy can be especially difficult after a traumatic birth. Give your partner a safe space to talk with you about this. Check with them about how they are feeling about their body and if they have concerns about pain and discomfort. Some women feel embarrassed or uncomfortable about their bodies after birth, be understanding of this. Find out what they are comfortable with at the moment and support them with this. Never pressure your partner about sex. Practically, helping with domestic chores has been shown to help with intimacy and desire, see here.
Seek professional help if needed: If your partner continues to struggle, encourage them to seek professional help and support them in finding a therapist or other mental health resources.
Seek support for yourself: You will have been affected by this too, if you feel like you are not coping, seek help from friends and family or a health professional. Resources for Dads can be found here.
Remember that supporting a partner after a traumatic birth can be challenging, but it is important to show up with love, empathy, and patience to help them through this difficult time.
