The four irreducible needs of a child

According to Dr Gordon Neufeld, all development is spontaneous if the conditions are right.

Listed below are the conditions that children fundamentally require to thrive.

 1)      TOGETHERNESS

Secure attachment is the most important survival need of mammals. For healthy growth and development children are dependent on continuous connection. Togetherness should be authentic and predictable, and needs to be provided by a safe adult.

The attachment relationship should never be withdrawn for the purpose of managing a child’s behaviour.

2) TO FEEL

Children need space and relationships to feel all emotions authentically and safely. We need to feel to develop, adapt and to learn self-regulation.  Feelings will do the work of ‘growing up’, we cannot get there any other way.

3) TO REST

All growth comes from a place of rest. Not work but rest. Children especially need to not have to work for their attachment relationships.

4) TO PLAY

True play is a form of activated rest and is "nature’s garden of growth". Children require play to thrive.